Please stop telling me that I am using the word literally wrong. I get that you are trying to show off your grammatical superiority and all but it is actually just showing me how much you don’t understand.
I know the difference between literal and figurative. I am fairly certain that nearly everyone understands that difference. This forms the crux of the reasoning behind using the word literal in this situation.
You see dear asshole who wants to complain about this, the whole point of using the word literal is that it utilizes this little thing called irony. You might not understand this because although you feel the need to correct my usage of a word, I am not sure that you know the diference between irony and coincidence. Now, I am using the word literal ironically. That means, I am using it outside of its intended meaning. At no stage did I mistakingly use literally in place of figuratively, ever. I, like everyone else, did it on purpose.
Yes, it is figurative that I am going to die because of you questioning my use of the word literal. However, my use of the word literal is literally (non ironic use) purposeful in order for me to utilize irony and show you how annoying you literally (another non ironic use) are.